I can't stop thinking about suicide?

I owe money I can't pay. I have no relationship with my family. I have no relationships period. I've been battling severe depression since I was fourteen. My mom wouldn't get me help because "then it would be admitting that something is wrong with me". I'm older and I can't afford help on my own. I wake up in the mornings and I just cry. The best part of my day is sleeping, when I don't have to think about anything. I got kicked out of college. I've been unwillingly unemployed for months. Throughout the day I have endless thoughts about driving off a bridge, or being hit by a car, or swerving off into a pole or going into cardiac arrest for whatever reason. I feel emotionless and feel severe hatred towards myself. I keep trying to tell myself that suicide isn't the answer... but I really think it is. I want it. I hate living everyday. I hate getting up. Is there anybody out there that can relate? I don't know what to do with myself. I've been having suicidal thoughts for years and now I feel like I really want to put them into action. I'm at my breaking point.